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Facing refusal, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a definite “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began pitching story ideas five decades ago, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with article pitches and numerous pieces. In the last score of years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have multiplied. Regularly, I receive a rejection frequently—totaling more than 100 each year. Overall, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could have a master’s in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying rant? Far from it. Since, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Accomplished This?

Some context: At this point, just about everyone and others has said no. I haven’t tracked my win-lose ratio—it would be deeply dispiriting.

As an illustration: recently, a publication rejected 20 pieces consecutively before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 book publishers declined my book idea before one accepted it. A few years later, 25 literary agents passed on a project. An editor even asked that I submit articles less frequently.

The Steps of Setback

Starting out, all rejections hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the mistake? This must be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, then anger at myself. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (preferably mixed with optimism). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. What’s more, I’ll never be accomplished.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Examples

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Tales of authors whose manuscripts was initially declined are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Many American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost elections. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and desire to star were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, when I entered my later years, I reached the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Currently, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. To begin with, an publisher may have already featured a like work, or have one underway, or be contemplating something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or the evaluator believes I don’t have the experience or reputation to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and scanned my piece too fast to see its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain explanations for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Others are under your control. Honestly, my ideas and work may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my grammar, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at older—and more than a thousand pieces. My writings have been published in publications major and minor, in regional, worldwide outlets. An early piece was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to many places for 50 years.

Still, no major hits, no author events in bookshops, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle no at this stage, because my, humble successes have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can now be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be educational, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. What teachings have I learned?

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